Miscalculations
by catharticdeficit
Summary: Otherwise known as the fic where Kyoya Ootori’s world turned upside down when at eighteen, he is the one impregnated by Haruhi Fujioka. Mpreg.


**Title: **Miscalculations

**Rating: **T

**Genre: **Humour/Parody/Romance

**Summary: **Otherwise known as the fic where Kyoya Ootori's world turned upside down when at eighteen, he is the one impregnated by Haruhi Fujioka. Mpreg.

**Warning: Yaoi (boy x boy), Mpreg, OOC-ness, unbetaed. **

**Added notes: **Naruto crossover fic.

**Don't like, don't read. **

_Para sa aking mga malugod na tagasubaybay sa aking mga kalokohan na pinapasa bilang mga kwetong walang katuturan. Maraming salamat po. _

To my readers and reviewers, Eyewuvshoo!

Written just because I love to torture Kyoya. Also gives me an excuse to write a pervert!Sasuke and acting-virginal!Naruto. I just love SasuNaru. This was supposed to be a side story to my other fic, Unplanned, but decided that it could be a whole new fic on its own.

**READERS OF MY OTHER KYOHARU FICS! PLEASE GO TO MY PROFILE PAGE FOR IMPORTANT UPDATE ABOUT THE STATUS OF MY OTHER FICS. PLEASE TAKE THE TIME FOR THE POLL AS WELL. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. **

**1/2**

One fine day, when the world was at peace, the sun was shining high, birds were chirping happily, and the wind was dancing merrily with the songs of the earth, there were two mermaids frolicking happily on the shining shores of unadulterated freedom. Now, these two mermaids had a secret: they were in fact lesbians and would love nothing more than to jump each other's bones, but merpeople would not allow that because they were a frigid homophobic society. Nobody bothered to point out, though, that their King had a penchant for the young and handsome servants he had.

That's nice, but it doesn't have to do anything with this story. No, instead let's go to the Ootori's private clinic where we find our hero, a Kyoya Ootori, rubbing at his temples in absolute irritation as he snarled at the doctor.

Said doctor smiled a bit, not the least intimidated, even if this young man's family was paying him for his million-dollar home and vacations in Switzerland.

"Is this some sort of sick joke?" Kyoya bit out, willing his headache to go away.

"No, I'm afraid not," the doctor chirruped, daring himself to smile wider as he reached for his clipboard. He rifled through the documents. "Your blood work has come just a few minutes ago, and they said that they were so baffled by the results that they had to check it three times until they were sure that they followed everything to the letter to reduce the risk of contaminations that may or may not influence the--er--shocking results." He said this very slowly so as to ensure his life would hopefully lengthen as well. The youngest Ootori looked ready to kill.

Kyoya took a deep breath before glaring at the doctor. He knew that his family's private labs were handled only by the best and if they did the test three times…. No, there was visually no margin for error.

"There's a high level of human chorionic gonadotrophin in your urine as well," continued the doctor, thumbing through the report.

"I thought I only had a blood test?" Kyoya thundered.

"We had to be one hundred percent sure so I had some people acquire it," the doctor shrugged.

While Kyoya thought on who to maim after this appointment, the doctor took out his stethoscope, placing the earpieces around his ears and thumping the receiver with his finger.

"Now, why don't you lie back and let me check you up," he said, smiling slightly but Kyoya knew that the bastard was enjoying every minute of this. He chose to ignore the double entendre.

Kyoya growled low in his throat, and mumbled about bodily harm and mental torture but the doctor was too amused by what's happening that he couldn't bring himself to feel any terror when facing the young man.

The doctor placed the receiver on his stomach, near his groin, humming at intervals.

When he finished, he ordered the Ootori to sit up and neaten his clothes.

"I guess this is the part where I say my congratulations," said the doctor dryly, taking his seat. "Though I must say that this is a medical miracle. Why, this could be the answer to many a gay couple who want their own children!" He didn't want to add if he could tell Ripley's about this. He liked his nuts where they are, thank you very much.

The glare Kyoya sent him could have melt the glacier that sunk the Titanic.

The doctor chuckled. "Hippocratic oath. I won't tell unless you tell me to tell anybody about this. Even your father is not privy to your records."

This did little to ease Kyoya's anxiety. _Oh, dear gods, do you really hate me that much?_

For at age eighteen, Kyoya Ootori was undoubtedly pregnant.

--

While Kyoya deliberated on what this piece of news would do to his life, he thought of the possible reasons on how he could get pregnant in the first place.

He remembered an incident a month ago, when he had hired a temporary bodyguard from one highly recommended company called Konoha. They were a group of tough rouge bodyguards who will do anything for you, given the right price. They were mercenaries, ruthless, and most of all, efficient. So he was told.

**One month ago**

He called up the company when Tachibana had called one night, saying that he needed to go to Osaka immediately as his daughter was giving birth and in the brink of death. Kyoya didn't want to lose his trusted manservant but gave in due to the circumstances. Normally, he could have taken his pick of the private police to guard him, but his distrust of them had grown when they made the betting pool about him and one Haruhi Fujioka.

It wasn't anything like that in the first place, Kyoya fumed, stepping into the shower. Haruhi was entering her first year of university in a couple of months and had been enlisting his help to study for the entrance exams, he being the only sane enough person to help her.

But of course, his men had to think otherwise. So, he retaliated by hiring a temporary bodyguard, knowing that it would break and their hearts and their pride for him to do so.

The company had assigned him one Uchiha Sasuke. He was just a bit taller than him, dark-haired and dark eyed yet couldn't be any older than him. If Kyoya exuded that don't-touch-me-nor-talk-to-me-if-you-aren't-worth-my-time aura outside club hours, this guy had 'Fuck Off' written all over him, pointing at him in neon lights.

He was good, though, Kyoya had to give him that. He was cool, calm, efficient. If only Kyoya hadn't been so fond of Tachibana, maybe he could hire the guy.

Then Uchiha met Tamaki. And what a glorious moment that was.

Not.

For some reason, it was Tamaki who crumbled down Uchiha's mask faster than a busted soufflé. He was too fascinated with the pretty boy, before demanding that he join the Host Club himself.

Kyoya noticed that the bodyguard snapped when Tamaki fingered his blue-black hair, saying that it reminded him of a duck's backside and therefore he will be the ColdYetStillFeeling!Type.

The man was halfway in flashing Tamaki with some hand signs--no doubt rude in some languages--when Haruhi interrupted, looking up at the irate man with some tea and onigiri on a tray. Uchiha promptly stopped and went for the table, eating without a care in the world.

Kyoya Ootori found the Uchiha's weakness.

It seemed as if the stoic young man couldn't resist the sweet temptation of Haruhi as well, eh?

Weird, Kyoya never pegged him to go for a younger girl.

But as he and Kyoya were about to climb into the Bentley for home, a loud, irritating squeal reached their ears. Before either of them could blink, Uchiha was tackled to the ground by a large blond who was going a mile a minute.

To Kyoya's immense surprise, Uchiha just rolled his eyes, patted the blond on the back, and hefted them both up.

The blond still hasn't let go of Uchiha.

"What are you doing here, dunce?" Uchiha asked the other man who was gripping his arm, and Kyoya thought he was hallucinating but there was a ghost of a smile on the normally scowling man's lips.

"Well, I just got assigned as a temporary bodyguard for a student here, just like you, Sasuke!" the said dunce exclaimed, blue eyes shining.

Kyoya cleared his throat loudly to get their attention.

"Ah, dunce, I have work to do," said the Uchiha, trying to shake off the parasite clinging to him. "We'll talk when the mission is over, Naruto."

Naruto pouted petulantly. Uchiha just smirked, earning him a rude gesture.

"Furthermore, where is your charge?" asked Uchiha.

"Ah, Naruto-san!" a familiar voice called over. "What are you doing over there?"

Tamaki came running to them and things clicked for Kyoya.

"Tamaki, is Naruto-san here your temporary bodyguard?" asked Kyoya.

"Yes," answered Tamaki, oblivious of the murderous glare Kyoya's own bodyguard was giving him. "But I only met him a couple of minutes ago."

"And we've already become good friends, right?" said Naruto, draping his arm around Tamaki, and Tamaki did the same.

"Yes! We have a lot in common!" shouted Tamaki, making passers-by eye them curiously.

Uchiha just sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose tiredly. "Don't tell me that you tow have miraculously bonded in three seconds flat when you realized that you both have a deep, unending love for ramen."

"Then we won't tell you," replied both blonds loudly.

"Oh, shit," mumbled Uchiha. "And here I thought living with one Naruto in this world is bad enough."

"Hey, hey," said Naruto, giving Kyoya a wide grin. "You're friends with Tamaki, right?"

"Yes, that is true," answered Kyoya automatically.

"Then it means I get to spend more time with Sasuke since if you and Tamaki stay together, Sasuke and I can watch over you both! It would be so cool!"

"Of course! How fortunate that things would turn out this way! Come, my friends! Let's go to Kyoto and partake some of the finest ramen the world has ever seen so that we may toast this good blessing that has befallen on us!"

"Tamaki, you are like, the coolest person I know!"

"I have an idea, why don't we have a sleepover?"

The parking lot reverberated with the shouts of 'Hell no' from two dark-haired men, and 'Hell yes' from two blond men.

--

And still, Kyoya wondered how in the hell Tamaki ended up staying at his house and both hyperactive blond idiots proceeded to demolish his room in five seconds.

"Uchiha-san, I realize that this is not part of the scope of your contract with me," said Kyoya, calm and cool but nobody could really miss the vein throbbing in his head; Uchiha looked up from his magazine, raising a perfectly shaped eyebrow at his charge, "but could you please tell those two to shut up? I'm trying to concentrate."

"Hn," said Uchiha, then went over to Naruto, who was sprawled on the carpet, playing Call of Duty 4 with Tamaki, and smacked him on the head with the magazine.

"What did you do that for, bastard?" yelled Naruto, rubbing at his head.

"Uchiha-san?" said Tamaki, bewildered that his strong friend was getting whipped by another guy.

"Get up," ordered Uchiha, and without waiting for a reply, hoisted his fellow bodyguard by the scruff of his neck, dragging him out the door to the adjoining bedroom. "It's late and you need your sleep."

"Bastard!" screamed Naruto. "You're always ruining my fun!"

"I bet I could think of something more fun…." Sasuke closed the door behind them.

Continuous yells of "Sasuke! Bastard! Don't touch me!" could be heard through the door until there were only muffled sounds left.

Kyoya and Tamaki stared at each other.

"Do I even want to know what that means?" said Tamaki.

"Don't ask me or I swear I'll kill you," was the reply from the other teen.

--

But it wasn't where this whole mess _really_ began, no siree, bob.

Kyoya had just woken up at nine, early for a Sunday, but it can't be helped when Tamaki Suoh was staying at your house for the weekend and just begged to be given attention.

Like a pet dog, growled Kyoya in his mind as he padded to his bathroom, intent on having at least a hot shower before his life spiralled into craziness again.

Well, at least he wasn't wrong on the craziness part.

As he stepped out of his bathroom, dripping and with only a towel wrapped around his waist, he found Tamaki, Naruto, and Sasuke, all dressed up and having a nice breakfast at his _fucking coffee table_!

"What in hell are you doing here!" demanded the youngest Ootori, "if you wanted to eat, there's a dining room downstairs!"

"Nah," replied Naruto, tucking into a bowl of ramen. "Your room is much more comfortable."

Then Kyoya realized his state of undress.

"Dammit!"

"Relax, Ootori-san," said Uchiha, taking sip of black coffee. "I might be gay, but I only have eyes for Naruto here. So your chastity is safe with me." He directed a smirk at the Ootori heir. "Besides, I'm not into the tall, dark, and handsome types."

"Ah, you're more into blond, perky, and blue-eyed," interjected Tamaki, fascinated.

"Exactly," replied Sasuke, putting down his cup and staring at the Suoh with his Seducing GlanceÔ, guaranteed to turn any person it is directed at into a mass of convulsing Jell-O (manufacturer's note: the company will not entertain claims of sudden death due to massive nosebleeds and painful hard-ons from the unfortunate victims who are directed with this technique).

Tamaki backed away slowly while Naruto directed a punch at his boyfriend.

"That's not even funny, Sasuke you bastard!" Naruto yelled. "That's it! You are so sleeping on the couch, mister! No more ramen seduction techniques for you! (1)"

"But Naru-chan…" Sasuke whined.

"And I'm hiding the onigiri-flavoured lube!"

_Idiots! I work with a bunch of idiots! I__'__m asking for my money back or at least a ninety per cent discount! Wait__…__there__'__s onigiri-flavoured lube? _

_No, no, no! Think straight, damn it! _(Pun intended.)

"You promised me that no one will ever witness your Seducing GlanceÔ except me, you asshole!"

"I was just making a point!"

_No, screw it, I__'__ll kill them all here and hope that the company will only demand a few million pay out!_

Kyoya emerged from his closet a bit calmer, straightening his tie and checking that he had everything he needed.

He wanted to have a bit of breakfast but the scene in his own living room stopped all hunger pangs. He supposed he could have a quick cup of coffee on the way to the office.

Since he was already in his first year of university, his father demanded that he be trained to take on the reins of the company as early as possible and Kyoya stops by the main headquarters, observing the machinations of the company, during Sundays and days off from uni.

"Kyoya! Where do you want to go today?" asked Tamaki.

"Idiot. I need to go the office today, or have you forgotten?" snapped Kyoya, going for the door. Sasuke stood up to follow, shaking Naruto off of his arm. Naruto just pouted.

"Ah, but I was hoping we could have gone to the arcade or something and have some fun! It's been so long since we've done that last!"

"Don't you have some training to do at your father's office as well?" Kyoya shot the pale-haired man a quizzical look.

"Nah, he told me to take this weekend off because last week I completed about a month's work on the spreadsheets for the accounting department." Tamaki gave a small smile. "One of the head accountants was an idiot."

"I don't disbelieve you. But you know that I can't go, not today anyway. I do have some free time after my lessons in the afternoon so maybe we could go then."

Tamaki's eyes lit up.

"Deal!"

_Feh. So easy to please._

--

Monday at school has always been boring, at least that was the general consensus of most of the students as they padded through the grand halls of the sprawling university campus, still hung-over from the small freedom the weekend had granted them.

Not Kyoya Ootori, though. He never wasted a second, even in sleep, and in so doing, saw everyday as the same: lots of time to take over the business world bit by bit. As such, he had planned to use the fifteen-minute break in between his Business Management and Psychology lessons to check the stock market. Steve Jobs was one tough competitor in the technology department, and if Ootori Tech didn't get something new and hip out in the market soon, they could face a severe dip when the new iPhone 3G comes out.

Kyoya just had to smirk. Ootori Tech was relatively new in the Ootori Group, and it was something he had built all on his own, almost completely unrelated to the medicine business where their family fortune was grounded upon. Once he had heard that there was a small technology development company that was liquidating all its assets and selling it off piece by piece for dirt cheap prices, he immediately bought nearly seventy per cent of it, making him the new head. He had it overhauled, investing his own fortune and charming more investors billions of yen to built new laboratories. That was when he was in second year.

Now, two years later, Ootori Tech, though still only known in Japan, has become popular, with its cute, funky pieces of gadgetry, all designed for the adolescent youth of Japan. They recently just started to expand to new merchandise to cater to the older generations and a new branch in Shanghai has been in the agenda of the board meetings. At the moment, he had trustworthy people covering for him, doing most of the dealings as Kyoya still wanted to finish his degree before actually taking over full time. They only called him out of schedule for the most dire of problems, like that strike in their Hokkaido laboratories a few months ago.

Kyoya rubbed the bridge of his nose tiredly. He knew that it was up to the designers to impress him with their answer to the ever-popular iPhone, but he was getting antsy about it. He needed to plan carefully--from the production, up to marketing. There should be no flaw in the execution of their new product. He would make sure of it.

Absently, he glanced at his temporary bodyguard, who had just finished scanning the immediate area (Kyoya was sitting in a table outside the café) and settled himself on a seat a few tables away from him as to remain inconspicuous. That way Uchiha could keep an eye on him while still observing the surrounding.

_A true professional_, Kyoya thought. _Even if Tachibana comes back, maybe I could offer him a permanent post in my team._ He frowned. The agency prided on this particular agent, and he doubted that they would ask for anything lower than a several million yen for him.

Kyoya was rich, but he knew what was a good investment and what was not.

Kyoya checked his watch. His break was nearly over. He stood up, placing a few bills on the table for his coffee, and proceeded to the nearest building for the next lesson. He nodded briefly to Sasuke; the man gave one sharp nod in answer.

The message was simple: _I__'__m staying here and keeping an eye outside. _From his vantage point, Sasuke could clearly see Kyoya's classroom as it was on the first floor; furthermore, his chair was directly in front of the windows.

Kyoya would know to take the desk beside the window where Sasuke could keep an eye on him. It was routine security measures and the young men knew that more than they really cared for.

As Kyoya settled in his seat, he heard a shout behind him, making him slump in his seat in exasperation.

"Kyoya! Oh, I nearly forgot that we are in the same class!" a loud blond exclaimed behind him and the dark-haired man wanted to bury his head in his arms in exasperation but stopped due to Ootori pride.

Tamaki sat down next to his desk, grinning happily as he took out his own laptop to prepare for the class.

"Where's Naruto-san?" asked Kyoya as he fired up his own laptop.

"He's with Sasuke-san," Tamaki answered nonchalantly.

"Don't you think that's wise?" said Kyoya, frowning and glancing outside to see his bodyguard having a conversation with the other bodyguard.

"What's wrong with that?"

"Well, they have a relationship, don't you think they'll get distracted?"

"Kyoya, oh ye of little faith! Naruto-san may not look like it, but he's a more than decent bodyguard! You should have seen him yesterday! He was amazing. He tried sparring with some of the guards at the mansion and he took them all down easily. Besides, they were trained for things like this. I doubt that they would act carelessly when out on a job. I suspect that they only acted to free that night was because there was no immediate threat to any of us and they were able to relax. But I can see that both of them were still alert. Frighteningly so."

Kyoya had to stare at his friend. He never knew that Tamaki was that observant. True, Tamaki was intelligent, but he acted like the blond stereotype most of the time. Kyoya had to groan internally. He was losing his touch if Tamaki saw all that and he barely did.

The stress that came with the business must be really catching up to him.

At least, that was his excuse.

--

Kyoya was about to climb into the Rolls when disaster struck. Classes had ended a few minutes ago and as promised, he was going to the carnival with Tamaki, Sasuke and Naruto. He knew that it was more than bothersome, but Tamaki and Naruto wouldn't shut up about and make his life more miserable than it already is if he didn't go.

Kyoya had thrown his stuff in the seat and was about to call them to hurry up when his vision was blocked by a tall guy wearing a black coat with prints of curly red clouds.

_Is there a cosplay competition near here or is this just some kind of psycho? _Asked Kyoya offhandedly before he heard yelling.

"Itachi Uchiha!" screamed Naruto.

"Ah, so you still remember me, my little kitsune," purred the man in the black coat. Wait, Uchiha? What does he have to do with Sasuke?

"Of course I did, you asshole!" Naruto shot back, his face purpling with rage.

"And I want to be in your asshole," said Itachi.

Kyoya didn't care enough to crane his neck to see Naruto's reaction but he knew that he should be blushing.

Naruto was saved from further comment when Sasuke said, in his most haunting and deadly voice, "Aniki…"

_Ah, so I was right. They are related. Figures. Psychos all around._

"Foolish little brother," sneered Itachi quietly.

"Damn you! How dare you kill our entire clan, force me to go all emo-shit on the best years of my life, leave my beloved blond dead last to train to kill you, and then molest said beloved blond dead last under the guise of extracting the Kyuubi! This is unforgivable!"

And Kyoya thought that his life was fucked up.

"Foolish little brother," Itachi repeated. "You do not know what you are talking about."

"Shut up! We'll end this right now! This is my ultimate technique!" This time, Kyoya did take a peek. Sasuke hands were moving fast before loudly proclaiming, "Ninja centrefold technique! Naruto Uzumaki naked version! (2)"

There was a poof of white smoke and in Sasuke's place stood a very much naked Naruto, all tan skin and blond hair--in places Kyoya would rather not think about before he questioned his own sexuality.

"Itachi-san…" Sasuke-Naruto said lasciviously, walking towards his brother with an expression of extreme lewdness that had Kyoya thinking that no man should be that sexy.

"YOU GODDAMNED PERVERT!" the real Naruto yelled in righteous anger and embarrassment. He bonked Sasuke in the head and the technique was dispelled. "How dare you use my original technique for that kind of thing, and use my body as well! I have half a mind to break up with you right now!"

"Before you kill me, look at him!" Sasuke said, pointing at his brother, who was standing, shell-shocked with dark red blood pouring out of his nose like a geyser. "He's too shocked to even move! Get off of me, dead last! Before I let that nosebleed kill you off, I'll show you my real greatest technique! You will experience the greatest form of humiliation known to man with this, aniki!"

_I take back my earlier statement. They're not idiots, they're practically brain dead! That's it, I really am demanding a refund. I asked for bodyguards, not freaking drama. Bunch of morons._

Kyoya had about enough. He went back to opening his door when he felt a jolt pass through his body, nearly making him collapse to his knees. He looked around, wondering where that came from, glancing at the two bodyguards who were staring at him in disbelief and horror.

Itachi was on the ground, passed out from the severe loss of blood, bathing in his own blood.

"Is anybody going to tell me what the HELL has happened?" Kyoya grit out.

Naruto nervously slapped his boyfriend on the shoulder.

"This is your call, man," he said quietly. "Know that when you die, I will always hold you in my heart." Then he broke into a run for Tamaki's car which had been waiting for him.

Kyoya raised an eyebrow at the remaining conscious Uchiha.

Sasuke wanted to die.

--

Kyoya crossed his legs and his arms, his posture one of complete calm but if one were to look at him closely, they could see the tenseness in his whole body, the huge scowl ripping his beautiful face in half, the slight twitch in his left eye, and the vein popping in his forehead.

"I'm sorry, will you go through that for me again?" he said, his voice deceptively calm. He was sitting with the three idiots in a café on the carnival and both Sasuke and Naruto were trying to tell him what had happened, choosing their words carefully to avoid unnecessary bloodshed.

"Well, it's like this," said Sasuke, licking his lips. "I originally created that technique to help rebuild my clan. You heard what we were yelling a while ago: Itachi killed our whole clan, leaving me all alone and I grew up consumed with thoughts of revenge against him. I wasn't able to kill him like I really wanted. Naruto here dissuaded me of that and well, though the idea never left me, I just went on with my life, though I knew that if I ever saw him again, I will seriously kill him."

"Since Itachi has gone all clan-killy, Sasuke-bastard here thought that it was his responsibility to revive their clan," Naruto piped up, but his voice was a lot quieter.

"And there is a problem because you like males," interjected Tamaki, taking a bite of his chocolate parfait.

"Yes," answered Naruto, but there was a strange glint in his eye. "I thought Sasuke was an anal person, but I didn't think that it was literally!" He pounded on the table laughing.

Kyoya waved a hand at Sasuke, "Please do the honours."

Sasuke smirked, then smacked the loud boy on the back of the head, his face colliding with the table.

"Be serious! This is important!" Sasuke hissed.

"Ah, yeah," said Naruto, sobering up but there was still a smile on his face. "So to take care of that problem, Mr. Genius here created a technique to well, help guys get pregnant."

Tamaki nodded in understanding. "Ah, I see. But who is going to carry the child between the two of you?"

This was apparently the wrong question to choose.

"Of course, moron of morons here carries the babies," said Sasuke, slipping back to his arrogant demeanour.

"Eh? Why should I? It's your clan!"

"You're taking it up the ass, so you carry the babies!"

"Shut up you jerk! I'm taking it up the ass, so you carry the babies! I have enough pain in my life from letting you top me every time, asshole, so you share some of the pain as well!"

A hand slamming on the table cut their bickering short. A very livid Kyoya loomed upon them, his Glare of Death equalling, if not surpassing, the scary quality of Sasuke's Mangekyou Sharingan.

"What. The. Hell. Happened. To. Me." Kyoya asked, his voice twice as deadly as a potent poison.

"Well, Itachi fainted to the ground when Sasuke cast the technique and you were hit with it instead of him," Naruto finished hurriedly.

"Whoever touches you within the next seventy-two hours will impregnate you," added Sasuke. "Doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl. The technique only needs twenty-three other chromosomes anyway. Even a simple handshake will make sure that a baby is forming in your false uterus in the next thirty seconds. So don't let anyone touch you for three days and you're fine."

"Do you mean to say that I need to be in isolation for three freaking days before this technique wears off?" bellowed Kyoya. "I am suing your company for this! And besides, what the hell is this? Some sort of magic? Magic does not exist!"

"Calm down, Kyoya, it was just a simple mistake, don't worry," said Tamaki soothingly, edging away from his friend for both of their safeties: for his own from any physical injury Kyoya might deign to rain down upon him, and for his friend's delicate situation.

"Calm down?" Kyoya repeated heatedly. "You expect me to calm down after this? What about the business, university, my life?"

"The world won't stop if you're gone for a few days," answered Tamaki. "Your staff is competent enough to survive without your physical presence, and what is the Internet for? You can still contact each other through phone and e-mail, correct? Just think of this as a short vacation. Goodness knows that you need it. You're working yourself too hard, Kyoya, and I'm getting worried. And besides, just like you said, magic does not exist and you can't get pregnant, no matter what you do. We're not equipped, you know?" Both Kyoya and Tamaki chose to ignore the doubt in Naruto and Sasuke's faces at the last comment.

Kyoya rubbed the bridge of his nose. Tamaki had a point. Maybe he should consider this as a blessing in disguise of sorts.

"I better get home and contact everyone," Kyoya said, completely exhausted. "Tell them I can't come to the office or school for the next three days. It's still better to be sure about all this even if I don't believe in it. Doesn't hurt to be cautious."

Just as he was about to stand up from his seat, a small, dainty hand was placed on his shoulder and a familiar voice said, "Kyoya-senpai, it's great that I managed to see you here."

The four froze.

"Tamaki-senpai, you're here too?" asked Haruhi. "Do you mind if I take a seat? I'm with friends here and we've been walking around most of the time." When nobody answered and just stared at her with blank expressions, she shrugged and sat down beside Kyoya.

"What's wrong?" she asked, glancing around at the four men. "Did something happen?" She turned to Kyoya. "Ah, Kyoya-senpai, I need your help with my Economics work. I can't seem to grasp the concept of Micro-economics as much as I would like to."

Kyoya didn't reply. He couldn't. No one in the group could.

Haruhi placed her hand in his forehead, eliciting a gasp around the table. "You don't have a temperature. Are you all sick?"

Naruto managed to gasp out, "Er, I think we need to go home, right Tamaki-san?" He turned to Haruhi. "Nice to meet you, Miss. I'm Naruto Uzumaki, Tamaki's temporary bodyguard. And this is Sasuke Uchiha, Kyoya's temporary bodyguard. Well, I need to take Tamaki home now."

"Oh, my name is Haruhi Fujioka," said Haruhi, bowing slightly. "Nice to meet you as well, I guess."

Naruto smiled at her charmingly. He grabbed Tamaki by the arm, dragging him away. "Let's go home, Tamaki."

Tamaki gave Haruhi an apologetic smile and left.

Haruhi stared at the other two men.

No one spoke for a long time.

--

**Present**

Kyoya buried his face in his pillow.

Haruhi was the…other parent of his child, undoubtedly. A DNA test was a moot point.

He resisted the urge to cry.

His life was definitely fucked up.

--

**A/N: **Hehehe. Couldn't resist doing this. Like it? Detest it? Wanna rip it up for confetti? Please do tell.

Because I am a copycat whore, this is where I got some of the inspiration for this story:

(1) From Imbridum Iridium's _Self-Reliance_, where Sasuke is pregnant. Yes, you read right. And it's Naruto's child. Read it now!

(2) A doujin by Kidkun, _Sasuke Vs Itachi_, on Deviantart. Really funny. Check out her other fan comics. Itachi and Sasuke are pervs out for Naruto's ass. Literally.

**Disclaimer: **Since I couldn't bug Hatori Bisco due to the restraining order, I made the same offer to Masashi Kishimoto about Naruto (NarutoSasuke, great deal all around). Ah, my second restraining order!


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